The Waiting Room

The Waiting Room - Wellspring Group


My heart is weird. I’m in a good place but it isn’t fun or easy.  It feels like I vacillate between trusting God and wondering if he even sees me.  Today I’ve had to be honest with a feeling of disappointment that I haven’t seen God move in the way(s) I had hoped he would in the time that I wanted.  I find myself trying to justify why he hasn’t moved – but if I’m really, brutally honest, I’m just trying to keep from asking myself if I’m worth it to him.

I don’t feel overcome with anything negative, or even distraught.  I’m not anxious or fearful.  I just wonder why a God that has the capacity to do big things hasn’t chosen to move in what seem to be pretty small ways for him.  Then I feel silly.  There are people that have been waiting and crying out to God, believing for healing, jobs, salvation, restoration, major life issues… and they carry more faith than me. 

I think I struggle with knowing if I’ve done all that I can do.  Last week as I was praying and wrestling with “have I done enough” I sensed the Lord saying “My goodness does not depend on your goodness.”  In the moment, this was freeing.  I felt released from getting things right so he can move on my behalf.  But then when I don’t see things happening, I am tempted to question what I didn’t do right.  It turns out – I’m not very good at waiting. I am very good at trying to help God, but not good at waiting on God. 

So that’s where I am.  Struggling in the wait.  Believing that he is good. Hoping he sees me.   

Deep down, I want to be blown away by God.  I know there’s still room for that.  I wish for life to be easier but I know that’s not realistic.  I want to be balanced in my expectations for God to move but not living in a place of “name it – claim it /  prosperity gospel”.  I’m hopeful that as God is working in me new levels of trust I will find strength and confidence in his faithfulness.  Until then, I get to choose to stay engaged, trust his goodness and believe that his ways are higher than my ways.

Keep up with the latest!
Subscribe to the WHOLEHEARTED blog.

Need tools to help you in the Battle?
Check out our Field Notes and Field Guide


Showing 1 reaction

Please check your e-mail for a link to activate your account.
  • Abby Mandella
    published this page in Blog 2015-05-06 13:42:12 -0500